Troubling Thought

As you may know, my father is in horrible kidney failure...it's at about 13% function. He isn't in great health whatsoever, though he does work. But by work I mean, he's a wheel-chair pusher at the airport and very rarely does he actually DO something because I'm sure people are wondering why they aren't pushing him. And when he's not at work he's laying on his bed.

Also, he has started dialysis. He had been working towards getting a kidney transplant but the only donors were my mom and my brother, Pibby, and us kids certainly didn't want our mom to do it and Pibby didn't want to either knowing that Dad wasn't taking care of the kidneys he currently has, why should he give up his for Dad not to take care of that one either? Not to mention when Dad had his gall bladder removed a couple years ago, a minor outpatient surgery, it turned into a major inpatient hospital stay because he's just so weak he couldn't take it. Of course, a kidney transplant is much more serious so we've kinda been thinking that were he to do it he'd most likely pass away. And some of the doctors have agreed with us.

During the past couple years my dad's appearance has drastically changed because of being sick. He's very gaunt and looks really tired whereas he used to have a glow about him and was very healthy looking. A little while ago I found a video from Christmas 2007 where he was on it and I showed it to him thinking maybe it would kick start him into realizing he needs to watch his diet and do some exercise. Unbelievably, my frail, zombie-looking dad told me, "Well, I look TERRIBLE there! And I definitely feel better now than I did then."

......REALLY???!!!!

So you can see he doesn't have a realistic view of what is going on.

I said all that, to say this: today my mom received a call while Dad was at work from the kidney donation center saying that my dad's name had come up on a list to receive a cadaver kidney. My mom told the center that she didn't think he'd be healthy enough to go through with that but that they would need to talk to him. I think my dad will approve and go through with the surgery and that scares me. I know I should have more faith but I know he wouldn't make it through. He's only 67 and I think that's WAY too young to go even though many have and will die at younger ages. I want at least another 15 years.

So I hope my dad really thinks about it and makes a good decision. And when I say that I mean maybe he knows if he gets a transplant he'll do better...

I guess I'm rambling now but I'm just very upset about this whole situation and how it's not only affecting me, but Mom as well and the whole family.