Why Am I Crying??!

Ok, this is seriously so stupid but I have to write it out so I can hear how ridiculous it is so I'll stop crying! I'm literally in tears right now and I don't know why! I know what started it and it makes me mad because I'm such a baby. It was hearing the song "It Might Be You" by Stephen Bishop, which was made famous in the movie "Tootsie". I would try and find it on YouTube but if I hear it again I'll never stop crying.

It's supposed to be a love song but ever since I heard it when I was really little it's made me very sad. It's a stupid cheesy 80s love song that probably plays on continuous loop on KOZY.

Anyway, I heard it again tonight as part of a show I was watching. Everyone has left my house or has gone to bed and I keep on hearing it and when I saw these pins that Heather got me in Disneyland of the Muppets with Mickey ears, for some reason I started thinking of Mayson, my three-soon-to-be-four year old nephew, and how he seems to be really growing up fast lately.

I know, right? I'm seriously crazy! But hear me out...cause I don't know what else to do to stop crying. Holy cow, I haven't cried this much since my cats died!

Mayson stays at my house a lot and he absolutely loves me. He doesn't want to do anything unless it involves me. I always read him a couple stories before he goes to bed and he likes a lot of the things that I like, like the Muppets. And he LOVES Mickey Mouse! Anytime I come home and he's hear he shouts out my name, "DAVE!!" and asks where I've been and then about if we can watch a movie/play a game/play BATMan or whatever other super hero he wants to be. It really makes me happy and I feel like I'm really needed. I really like reading to him, though, because I remember how much I liked it when I was read to when I was little. There hasn't ever been a night where I couldn't read to him...there were nights where I wanted to go to bed earlier but gave in when he said, "Just one story, please!"

Last night I came home from Michelle's house and had to use the restroom first thing. As I was closing the door to the bathroom I thought I heard him. Usually if he knows I've come home and I'm in the bathroom, he'll play the Big Bad Wolf and come pound on the door and say, "I'll huff and blow your house in!" (One of his favorite stories is "The Three Little Pigs"). That happens EVERY TIME! Last night it didn't so I thought maybe I had just heard something. When I stepped out and into the living room he was there and turned and just said, "Hi Dave." He did come and give me a hug but then he went right back to watching whatever it was that he was watching.

As it was the evening of the time change and I did get home pretty late and had to work early today I told him I was going to go to bed prepared to hear that he wanted me to read to him. There was nothing but a "good night, Dave"....and that's it! I was glad but sad at the same time because we ALWAYS read a story.

While going to sleep I thought about how maybe the time is coming when Uncle Dave isn't so awesome anymore and I didn't think about it much more nor at all today.

I actually was in a good mood today because the sun was shining and for the first time ever I actually felt awake at work, even with the time change!

My family came over for dinner and Mayson was still here and we played Batman-Wolverine-Spiderman and watched the extras from "Up" and had a good time.

He and his family left along with the rest of the family that doesn't live here and I watched that show with that STUPID song in it with my cousin Tracey, and he left. I did tell Tracey that the song seriously makes me depressed and when I saw the Muppets with Mickey hats on it I just started bawling! I guess that's why I'm crying...Mayson is turning four this Friday and I guess really soon I'm not going to be the big star in his life anymore. I remember how I used to love sleeping over at my Aunt Carol's when I was little but how there are very few memories of doing so and I've realized that may happen with Mayson. He'll remember how much fun we had and I know he'll always love me, but I suppose there will be few memories since he's so young, and it just makes me sad.

But I guess that's part of life is growing up and moving on and quite obviously I'm having a hard time with that. And I supposed that's why that STUPID song brought it up because it starts out:

Time... I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life...

I feel like that's what's happening watching Mayson grow up.

Anyway, I think I'm done with my tears and runny nose...though I suppose I'll look at the pins again and keep hearing that stupid song in my head, but I just needed to talk it out.