When my alarm went off scaring me out of my Tylenol PM induced coma, I felt I was just coming up from underneath water. I had a stupid dream about Paul clumsily breaking my favorite Little Mermaid statue that I bought with my first paycheck ever...but that's neither here nor there. I decided not to go to work because I was just too drained not to mention the Hospice people were coming back over to my parents at 11:30. At about 9 AM Carol (my mom's youngest sister) called and was upset that my dad's sisters are upset with my mom. I told her that they are all crazy and there is no reasoning with them. I said I would have my dad to speak to them but I didn't think it would do any good.
I finally got out of bed at 10:45 and got myself ready and went to my parents'.
Terra, the chaplain from Tuesday night, was there. She was asking why he had changed his mind and he told her it was because of the finances and because he just didn't see that any of his other options were OK. She asked him at least 10 times during the visit, "Lewis, are you sure you are ready to quit dialysis and prepare for your death?" And he confirmed he was without hesitation. Paul came over a little bit after me. Terra said that a nurse was coming over to answer questions and get his vitals. She also went over a ton of paperwork that essentially said Dad understands that he's not being forced into doing this and that he understands that it is palliative care rather than curative. Palliative care is that they will provide comfort and pain meds for him as the natural process of death begins and ends.
At about 12:30 Missy, the nurse showed up. She's a beautiful woman in her 60s and what a great personality! She seemed to really hit it off with my dad. He asked her what he could expect in this process. She said that in the patients she's had that had quit dialysis that it was a very peaceful and quick process. He will start being more tired than he already is, he will lose his appetite, and his organs will start to shut down. She also explained that most of the patients would pass away in two weeks but there were some that would do it in five. Missy also asked him MULTIPLE times, are you sure you want to do this? And he said yes. And then he did something he never does and that is share his feelings. He told her he was scared to be leaving our family and that he hated the thought of missing us. She told him that is natural, that like us, he's going to be grieving at the loss of us. But she also assured him, after learning his medical history, that he had made the correct decision because he was not having any quality of life and that when it starts to affect other people like Mom and us then yes, it's time to go. She also said that her favorite patients were the ones who said they were Atheists because she would often find them talking to long passed relatives that could not be seen and it confirmed to her that there is an afterlife and that it's not bad from what she heard from these patients. She told us that we could call her at any time and if not her there is an on-call nurse 24/7 at Silverado. I asked her if my aunts could speak with her because I just felt so much better hearing what she had to say and she said, "oh yes, they can call me anytime." She also said she would have the social worker help Mom set up Power of Attorney over his health decisions since that hasn't been done yet. and then she left. We all agreed that we felt much better over this decision. Both Louise and Leatrice (Dad's oldest sister) called him. They are still both very concerned about him doing this but he confirmed to them that he was OK with it. But then he messed it all up by saying that he doesn't feel sick...that is not something to be telling these people that don't think he should be passing on.
Oh, I forgot to mention before that Leatrice had said he could come live with her and she'd take care of him (which I find rich considering when I was going down there to college she refused to let me come live with her even though my parents let her daughter live with them for over a year). He told her "no" which essentially means that he'd rather die than live with her!! HA HA HA HA!!!
The hospice had also told us that if he chooses not to do hospice anymore and he wants to go back on dialysis he can. He told that to Leatrice and she told him she hoped he would consider that. They are so weird, his sisters. Louise does talk to him every day, but Leatrice doesn't so I don't get it. But anyway...
I spent most of the day there. Irene (my mom's oldest sister) came over with her famous chocolate chip cookies and told my dad that she was proud of him for having the courage to go on hospice. I fell in and out of sleep after she left and then left for home. I stopped at Harmon's and then I went to Barnes and Noble to find this book Missy had told us about called "Glimpses Beyond Death's Door" by Brent and Wendy Top. She said that was the best book she had read about afterlife experiences. They didn't have it. As I was leaving it occurred to me that Dad and I had gone to the book store many times over the years and right at the same moment Phil Collin's slow cheesy version of "Groovy Kind of Love" came on. That song makes me sad and I started to cry so I left.
Paul was at home with Mayson and we had pulled BBQ pork sandwiches and pasta salad. I called Michelle and told her and she said she was sorry and she agreed with us that it's time for him to go. I also called Holly, Shelley's daughter and we spoke. Holly is just as baffled as I am at her mom's and the aunt's reaction. She also confirmed my worst fears and that is they feel my mom has no feelings and that she's being selfish and talked Dad into it. If you know my mom, you know that she is the least selfish person you could know. I told Holly that she needs to tell that side of the family that they need to respect my mom and dad's wishes and they need to apologize. And if they don't, I really don't want them casting their crusty Pierce looks at his funeral. I just can't handle that.
Tracey and I watched "American Horror Story: Freak Show." It was the second to last episode this season. Then Mayson and I watched some cartoon show in his dad's room. I asked Mayson what he thought of Grandpa dying and he said it makes him sad and it reminds him of when his "aunt" Regan died. She got hit by a car Christmas week several years ago. He was very young but he still remembers it. I also asked Mayson what he thinks happens after we die and he said, "We go to heaven. And Grandpa will be with Daisy (the miniature schnauzer he had growing up) and Regan." That made me happy considering he hardly ever goes to Church. And speaking of that, I'm hoping that Paul will change his mind about letting Mayson get baptized, especially before Dad dies.
Anyway, everyone is really sad. Paul and I can't talk about Dad dying without crying. And it makes me sad that his family thinks we're so crazy and evil. This is supposed to be a time where we are all together and they are choosing to be numbskulls about the whole situation. Hopefully by this weekend it will be resolved.
Set Your DVRs!!
11 years ago
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